The irony is that I learned of his death by going to his Facebook page. I'd been doing that regularly. I knew he was very sick, I talked to him in the hospital a couple of weeks ago. He couldn't eat anything and was in a lot of pain. I knew he wouldn't make it home. Knew he wouldn't leave the hospital. I said, I love you. He said it back to me.
We were married on the beach in Hawaii. Waikiki Beach. My parents had come to Hawaii and kept taking me to churches and I kept shaking my head. I didn't want to be married in any of them. They were at their wits end when the social director at the hotel where they were staying said, Why not have it on the beach behind the hotel. It was perfect.
When he called to tell his parents we were getting married they thought he was joking. They didn't come.
We were good friends, my husband and I. But we were not good at marriage. We had lots of fun times, there in Hawaii. When we broke up for good, he left Hawaii. I didn't know where he was.
Years and years went by. I searched for him, but didn't know where he was. He was searching for me too. I got this email in June of last year:
I always knew you were beautiful, smart and talented, I'm happy that you put it all to good use.
When I saw his name I emailed back.
He'd found me on Facebook.. I learned that he married for a second time and had two children, a boy and a girl. He was happy and I was glad. We emailed, talked on the phone, and communicated sometimes through Facebook. It was a secret, but if his wife knew she wouldn't have been upset or jealous. It was just good friends talking and laughing over the past. We had hurt each other during the marriage, probably because we were young. So it was like a new chance to put all that hurt away and reach a better understanding.
I remember in Hawaii, when he was angry we would go downstairs in the rec room of our condo in Hawaii and we would play ping-pong, smashing balls back and forth at each other. We were both excellent players, but I wouldn't let him play for points. I didn't want to win or lose. I just wanted to play.
Now I want to say how sorry I am to the family. I knew his sister and parents. His brother lived with us for a while in Hawaii. But it was so long ago. They probably don't want to hear from the former wife.
So I am sad and grieving. That's why I'm writing this. I have no one to say how sorry and sad I am to. No one who knew him to talk to.
I'm so angry at the medical profession. He told me months ago that he had this cough that wouldn't go away. Then he began seeing doctors. First they said he had cancer. Then, no it isn't cancer. He said he was trying to raise a family and the bills just for a diagnosis had reached $50,000 - they kept sending him to specialists who couldn't agree.
Finally they decided to operate. He was doing okay. Then he got an infection in the pic line. They filled him with medications and gave him chemo. It was too late. What he went through from the medical profession was barbaric.
I'm fighting cancer myself for the second time. I went through two surgeries, round after round of chemo. which ruined my body. I had 31 rounds of radiation. A few years later I have cancer again, in exactly the same place. The treatment was painful, I was bald for nine months. Now I'm using homeopathic methods to treat the cancer myself.
I am so very sad that he died. Not just for today. I'll be sad for a long, long, time. He was my only husband. He was handsome and fun and smart.